Wands and Cigarettes
by Questionable Content
Summary: The reluctant opinions and misadventures of a hiptser witch stuck in Hogwarts. Takes place during fourth book.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**  
_In which a hero is introduced._

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"Hey, you wouldn't believe what house I got in over here. Gryffin-fuckin'-dor." Margo announced into her two-way mirror proudly.

"I'm sure you'll set a great example." The face that reflected back replied.

"Hey, you know I was kicked out of Beauxbatons unjustly." Margo replied, she knew the conversation already. They had it a million times.

"Yeah? What about Durmstrang?"

"That was just a joke, I mean, did you honestly expect me to last there? I'm surprised they didn't catch me any sooner."

"Just don't do anything stupid, remember the whole dream of having an education?"

"What about the dream of having fun?"

"You'll have to compromise."

Margo rolled her eyes at the blonde girl in the two way mirror. "I gotta go, I think I hear some fires waiting to be started."

"Not funny."

"Can't hear you!" Margo said as she slipped the mirror into her trunk of clothes. Margo had just finished settling into her section of the girl's dorm. She hadn't met her lucky year four roommates yet, they were out at classes or something. She checked herself in the mirror, her hair was a long dark brown with a few slips of red dye here and there, her eyes a light brown, but with a little flick of her nose they turned a few shades darker. She was stuck in the typical robes, with a few stylish adjustments she'd managed to fix up on the train. She wore cheap plastic pearls that laughed when she stepped and an eyebrow piercing that tickled her face when she sneezed.

Margo wasn't really in place with the wizarding world. She loved magic, but loved "muggles" and their way of living better. As a result, she was awfully casual about her education. She checked her make up and slipped some old-fashioned glamour glasses on. Perfect. Had it not been for her magical blood, Margo would currently be enjoying some poetry slam at a coffee shop or smoking a cigarette with some other so called hipsters. But her magical blood prevailed, and Margo found herself preparing for a meeting with the headmaster, Dumbledore. This was the part where she promised to behave herself and justified all previous actions, where she agreed to act like the promising student everyone apparently saw in her.

Truthfully, she figured they kept her in these schools this long because she was a metamorphagus and they couldn't very well have her go meet up with the bad-guy wizard with the odd name. She wasn't nearly as attached to the wizarding world as her friend, Charlotte was. Then again, as far as Margo was concerned Charlotte was still just that face in the two way mirror stuck in the trunk with her used socks.

"Here goes nothing." Margo said to herself, sucking in a deep breath as she headed out of the dormitory.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**  
_In which accusations are toyed with_

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"Now then, Miss Dass. Or would you prefer I call you Mister Dass as the headmaster at Durmstrang was led to believe?" Margo felt her cheeks fill with a warm bright red. Good thing she was already wearing blush.

"It was all in good humor," Margo tried to explain, finding her words a little weaker than usual.

Dumbledore chuckled which breathed a little relief into Margo. "Don't worry, I've already agreed to let you attend Hogwarts with _full_ knowledge of why you were released from other schools."

"Why does that not reassure me?" Margo muttered sarcastically under her breath.

"But I did call you here for a reason. I've spoken with the headmaster of Dragonsoak, the American school you _briefly_ attended, the headmistress of Beauxbatons, and the headmaster of Durmstrang. I've heard every reason why you were asked to leave each school from their perspective."

Margo pushed her weight down into her chair as she slunk further down. Next he was bound to start listing everything she did. Margo knew it was coming. Like a dog being shoved to look at its own shit.

"But I want to hear why you think you were removed from each school."

Margo blinked. The list would start any minute now, she was sure of it.

"Well?"

"Uh." Margo wasn't sure if this was some new psychological thing where she shoved her own face in the shit or what, but she was cautious either way. "Well. You know my story at Durmstrang it sounds like. I pretended to be a male and attended for half a year until discovered in a rather unfortunate accident." She paused to see if there were any comments or reactions. All she got was a chuckle. Good enough signal to continue. "And, well, at the American school I was removed for various acts of mischief; trying to dye some of the owls, introducing cigarettes to the first years, and questioning teachers."

"I heard you did more than question teachers." Dumbledore pressed.

"Yes, well, I did challenge two to duels. But that was justifiable! They were teaching rubbish and it was ridiculous-"

"What about Beaxbatons?"

"I felt it was a sexist school. So I protested."

"By setting a fire?"

"That fire was not cause by me. That was a false accusation on their part." Margo folded her arms.

"One of many false accusations I've heard."

Margo suddenly realized where this conversation was going, and her stomach seemed to realize it too as it flipped onto its side.

Dumbledore continued, "Your cigarette was found as the source of the fire. You were also accused of slipping alihotsy into the foods of many students and teachers which is easily an offense that could send you to Azkaban if the school found it necessary. At another school you were accused of stealing books on the dark arts from the library, another accused you of keeping polyjuice potion in your belongings, you know the list goes on Miss Dass."

"But you still let me attend Hogwarts despite all of these _false_ accusations?" Margo replied as if she was proving a point.

"Because I want to find out if they are true or not."

"Glad to know you care about my education."

Dumbledore chuckled. "I know you're already much smarter than you say you are. Whether or not you are guilty of any of the accused crimes you are a very dedicated student."

"Then why aren't I in Ravenclaw?" Margo asked. She had been rather bugged by being dumped into Gryffindor. Margo wasn't a Gryffindor.

"The hat decided, not me. I heard that Slytherin was rather disappointed you didn't join them." Dumbledore winked. Margo hated when adults, or anyone for that matter, winked.

"So, can I go then? Else I might be late for my first dinner here." Margo pulled herself to her feet eagerly without even waiting for consent.

"Yes, just remember to watch yourself."

Margo rolled her eyes and slipped out of the office. "That didn't go so badly." She muttered to herself.


End file.
